today has been such a beautiful day, a preview of fall. cool, breezy and overcast. driving today i noticed the sky. i usually try to notice the sky, but sometimes i forget. today it grabbed my attention. the sun was dancing away for the evening leaving colors of orange, pink, purple and blue. the clouds mixed in made it just perfect. it was a beautiful dance. a reminder of the creator of the dance.

tonight has been a relaxing night. took our little delilah down by the pond, she got to run around and have an adventure. my amazing husband took me out to cracker barrel. we were the youngest couple by at least 20 years. it made me chuckle. now here we are sitting at starbucks, i’m sipping my caramel apple spice and enjoying the atmosphere here. i love caramel apple spice. it reminds me of fall. i love fall. its my favorite time of year. i look forward to it with great anticipation.

i feel like this is a season of great anticipation. i’m trying to learn to live in the words of paul “being content in all situations” but i also live in great anticipation of what is to come. changes are on the horizon. our house is nearing completion… we will probably be moving in within the month (hopefully). more than just changes in the physical there are so many changes going on in the spiritual. i honestly feel like i’m on a whole new journey, learning about God all over again. i feel as though i have been walking down the same path for so long, but suddenly there was a russling in the bushes calling me to travel on this path that few have traveled before. i have been longing for a new revelation of God’s heart to be revealed to the body of Christ as a whole. i wish we would return to the uncivilized faith and passion of the early church, that we would rid ourselves of this traditional religion that has become like a noose by which we hang ourselves leaving our spirits lifeless…. just the opposite of the type of relationship that Jesus gave it all for us to have. i wish so desperately that we would remember that it is by GRACE we have been saved through faith, not of ourselves, that it is a GIFT of God. i wish we could learn that we can come just as we are and He loves us just the same. that we would hang up the cloak of good works that we somehow believe has made us that much closer to heaven. Jesus is the Savior of all. it doesn’t make sense to our human mind that wants to rationalize it all. How is it possible that he could love the doctor performing abortions as much as the woman who has gone to church her whole life, teaches sunday school and faithfully gives back to the church and community? it is possible because grace doesn’t discriminate. it is freely given to all. “Here is a revelation bright as the evening star: Jesus comes for the sinners, for those as outcast as tax collectors and those caught up in squalid choices and failed dreams. He comes for the corporate executives, street people, superstars, farmers, hookers, addicts, IRS agents, AIDS victims, and even used car salesman.” from The Ragamuffin Gospel by Brennen Manning. There’s no way to earn grace. its a gift given to all. the church needs to realize that…. we need to stop trying to show off our fake religion and embrace the message of the cross. We need to become like Jesus and be in this world, not of it. Jesus choose to associate himself with tax collectors and sinners. He loved them unconditionally, but never condoned their sin. Lord, give us your heart. Let us see the world through your eyes. Strip us of our false sense of pride and religious security. Let us embrace your gift of grace and extend that same grace to those around us, whether we feel they are worthy of it or not, because we cannot do anything to make ourselves worthy of the grace you have given us.

funny how i used to write all the time. then life happened. i work full time, we are childrens pastors at connection church (www.connectionchurchstl.com), we have a little puppy, and of course their is always trying to find time to develop and maintain relationships. now we are buying/ building a house, so thats going to be taking a lot of our time up as well. it seems like every time i sit down to write i get distracted by laundry, dishes or a puppy wanting to play fetch... so i'm determined to write something.

i turned 22 yesterday. i'd have to say the hardest thing for me to adjust to about being an "adult" was how unimportant birthdays are. i remember turing 13...16....18.... and it was always such a huge deal. friends filling your car with balloons, surprise parties and all night long trips to dennys. i hardly feel like my birthday was here. it snuck up on me, i had to work all day, then color selection for our new house and finally dinner with friends which was fun, but still not as exciting as what i remember. and i've come to realize that it will never be the same and i'm ok with that. its another part of life and growing up.

back in february i got a phone call that my grandpa was in the hospital. pnuemonia had developed some complications. before i knew what to do he passed away. we flew out to florida for about a week to help with funeral services and just be with my family. it was a sad time but i know hes in a better place. anyway, while we were down there we got our second tattoos. here is a pic of mine. its on the side of my right foot:



it is the hebrew word for beautiful from the verse in Isaiah that says "How beautiful are the feet of those who bring good news" i love it, and i'm excited for it to get warmer so i can wear flip flops and have it be visible.

sometimes i still have a hard time believing i live in missouri. who would have thought live would have ended up this way. if you would have asked me 5 years ago where i would be now i wouldn't have said missouri thats for sure. now i'm 22, married, childrens pastoring, buying a house... and we are thinking about babies!! God's word is so true when it says that his ways are higher than our ways.

well, that is a pretty comprehesive update for now. i hope to get more creative writing done soon. but for now my puppy is begging me to play catch with her.... until next time!

hmm... sometimes i wonder who reads this still. sad how unpopular xanga has come.
real life is in full swing.... work, church, marriage, family, friends.... and i love every second of it.
chris and i have been talking and praying a lot and we have decided to start a family of our own.
keep us in prayer, that i would be healthy and that we would conceive in Gods perfect timing.
its so weird, scary and exciting all at the same time!! life will never be the same. its hard to imagine being fully responsible for another human being. i can't wait though.
i'll keep you updated on the progress.

love.